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blog Feb 23, 2017

Bear necessities - a day in the life of an AI office dog

Author: Bear

An increasingly large number of humans are walking through the doors at Benevolent AI HQ, fresh faced and ready to join the team

Most rub my tummy, so I know that they’re good, solid, professional dog loving folk.  Recently, this new chap has joined us – I think his name is Patrick, although I can’t be certain as rather rudely - nobody around here wears a collar except me.

Now, I’m perfectly happy to welcome new employees with a jovial bark and a sloppy kiss – but, with everybody paying so much attention to Patrick, I’ve noticed a rapid decline in belly scratches.  It’s a travesty.  Once these people start interfering with cuddle time, it’s time for the office dog to turn detective.  I need to scope this guy out and see what he’s playing at.

 

08:28

Patrick has entered the building.  I bark in greeting and he pats my head.  He doesn’t appear to be carrying a postal bag, so he’s passed my first test… but I’m still suspicious.  Sure, he may be a doctor with over 20 years experience in medicine (that’s 140 dog years!!!), but I don’t smell any treats – and how can I trust a man without treats?                                                                                                                           

09:44

Now that he’s in the office and settled at his desk, I decide to do some research. I sit under the receptionist’s desk barking instructions at her, but her dog speak is rusty and it takes her a while to understand. She gets there eventually, bless her.

She reads me Patrick’s bio.  Apparently, he’s the first Chief Medical Officer to be appointed to an artificial intelligence company.  The receptionist says that this means he’s leading the charge with our progression into clinical trials – and the fact that we’re already moving on to that stage suggests that the close relationship between our bio and tech teams is really coming to fruition. That sounds all well and good, but what about the important issues – like, where does he stand on ball throwers?

13:10

It’s lunchtime and he hasn’t shared any of his food with me. “No,” he tells me as I stare longingly at his sandwich, “sandwiches aren’t for dogs.”  He makes a good point, but I can’t help but wonder – what if they were for dogs?

14:48

I’m bored. I stare at Patrick through his office window until he lets me in. He’s in a conference call, but strokes me throughout.  Perhaps I misjudged him.

17:31

It’s Happy Hour at Benevolent AI, which means two things: (1) the humans are very excitable (I think the glass bottles in their hands might be responsible for this?); and (2) there’s a buffet on the breakfast bar. A data scientist slyly feeds me some crisps – fabulous. I bring the ball over and the humans rush to throw it for me.

As I lie on my back with a horde of humans around me waiting to scratch my belly, I can’t help but reflect upon my day of investigating the newbie. He doesn’t give me food on demand or show me constant affection. With these black marks on his record, I just don’t know whether I’ll ever warm to him.

Oh wait, he’s scratching my belly now. Never mind. He’s awesome.